I’m not even going to write about wanking.
I’m going to write about boobs.
Recently I’ve become a bit obsessed by boobs.
I started off being obsessed by the Olympics.
But then my obsession switched suddenly to boobs.
You know how it is.
I blame Dominic Mohan. He’s the Editor of The Sun.
He trapped the boobs in my head.
You see, I bought a copy of The Sun.
It’s not my usual paper so perhaps I should explain the circumstances.
It was a quick purchase on a train station platform.
I only had the right money for The Sun and my train was approaching.
I can’t buy The Sun, it’s got boobs in it, I thought. Oh, but I so want to read about Britain’s Olympic gold rush.
I was in a bit of a fix.
So, I picked up The Sun and opened it.
But there weren’t any boobs on page 3!
Wowzers, they’ve done away with the boobs while the Olympics is on, I inwardly whooped.
But I checked page 5 too just to be sure. I’m cunning like that.
The Sun was hastily paid for and I Usain Bolt-ed it out of the shop to catch my train.
So I’m on the train reading The Sun and I turn to page 13 and there she is. Emily, 23, from Warrington with her boobs out.
And…oh…you might think me stupid….after all they’ve been there for over 40 years…perhaps I’m supposed to be used to them by now…perhaps I should accept them…but I felt so… sad.
Blimey, those bare boobs made me feel sad to my core.
Why did Emily from Warrington’s very nice bare breasts upset me so much?
Hmmmm…lots of reasons.
And the more I thought about the issue, the more my reasons seemed to breed and the more the sadness seemed to settle.
Emily hopes Brits will be inspired by the success of our Olympic superstars. She said “In the words of German philosopher Johann Wolfgang von Goethe ‘The important thing in life is to have great aim and to possess the aptitude and the perseverance to attain it.’
I love a Goethe quote me. Did Emily really write this? I wondered. Er, no, was the answer that Google quickly gave me.
“I’ve asked my source at News International [with regard to the ‘News in Briefs’ editorials on Page 3 in The Sun]… and my source says the deputy editor who’s in charge of Page 3 decides the topic and then one of the subs writes it. The girls have nothing whatsoever to do with it, because apart from the one with a degree, they’re as daft they look.” – Olly Mann. (I found this quote here)
Wowzers, disrespect for women was happening on so many levels it was hard for me to get my head around.
Anyway, I could go on and on. And probably on and on a bit more.
But this article is already longer than it should be.
And you’re probably getting the point by now.
And the sadness isn’t going away.
I’m also curious.
Am I the only one who feels this way?
And if I’m not, can we change things?
Most of all I feel passion.
My goodness, I feel passion like a fierce flame in my chest, on this issue.
What do you think I should do with all this passion?
Because I’m thinking I should start a campaign.
A big, fun, heartfelt, tenacious, beautiful campaign to make The Sun take the bare boobs out.
I have heard people say ‘The Sun will never drop Page 3’ but currently I’m more inspired by Emily/one of the subs/Goethe’s words.
The important thing in life is to have great aim and to possess the aptitude and the perseverance to attain it.