There comes a point in life when you really have to throw your hands in the air and shout “Enough” to something that is niggling away and eating you up inside. Over the last several months I have just reached that extremity. I am a person. Not an eating, exercising, dieting machine. I am me, beautiful (if lacking a little in the confidence department) inside and out. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and care, sometimes a little too much about what ‘the others’ may think of me.
But today is the day where I say NO. No more dieting. No more worrying if people like me. Just live.
You see, I have dieted nearly all my life and when I put weight on, I’m fat (and usually frumpy), and always feel like there’s a bubbly and energetic skinny woman bursting to get out, to be that confident person I know is in there. And yet when I am skinny, I feel the opposite; there’s the overweight, greedy person just waiting in the realms of my skinny jeans to pounce at any moment and eat the entire tin of whatever chocolate edibles are in front of me. And, whats more, I am not any more confident, I still have to work at all the time.
To cut this story short about my weight, I’m a gluttonous beast of nature, who always wants to have more of those delectable chocolates. I cannot leave them to live a life in the depths the fridge were the could get shoved to the back only to be found several months later. I have to eat them, greedily, in one sitting. So, instead I am often forced to go basically make myself go ‘cold turkey’ and limit the amount of bad foods I consume. I’ve always been a greedy person, and when I was a child I would often go back for seconds (or thirds). I often used to look forward to being an adult and the time when I wouldn’t be so greedy, I’d relish upon the fact that one day I’d no longer be the fat kid.
Well, I’m afraid to say that I’m now thirty two and, whilst I haven’t lived all my adult life being overweight, I’m still that person who is waiting to grow out of those over the top, indulgent cravings. I have come to realise that I am NOT going to grow out of them, but I can learn to love now love my body with a passion, and can treat it with care (i.e not shoving every morsel of food in my mouth). Not condemning myself to life on and off the scales will not only help me, but (and here’s that bit that will make me stick to being healthy), but I am doing it for my daughter, and for her health and well being too. If I can’t be the person to show her how to love the skin we are blessed with, am I equally as bad as the weight obsessed media culture that we seem to thrive upon so much that it becomes the main stream news?
I recently read that apparently Kate Winslet tells her daughter how she loves the skin she is in and how proud she is of her own figure each and everyday. Now, I don’t know whether its completely true, but it really struck a chord. Why is weight such a big issue within the media to such an extent that I have taken a dislike to a body that actually ‘has curves in all the right places’, as Mika would say.
We eat healthily as a family, but surely my attitude of yo-yo-ing to and from different slimming clubs and weight gain/loss must be having a detrimental effect on my children, similar to what they may see in gossip magazines. All through my daughter’s life I have skipped through many different clubs within the weight loss genre, and I hasten to say it but I KNOW IT ALL, so much so to the extent that I could probably tell you all the ins and out of dieting plans for a majority of the current clubs that are out there. No more clubs. It is time for me.
So, this is it, folks. Here is my pledge. I, Kirsty Higginson, will love the skin I am, and have been born with. I will cherish it, not abuse it. Look after it and show it off, proudly. I will positively show both my son and my daughter how a woman stands proud.
How about you?