whoever you want to be…

Own it. Love it. Do it.

I enjoy writing poetry. I haven’t written it with any regularity for over a year but it’s something I enjoy and keep thinking I should get back into. I think it, but I never do it.

There are many things I want to do or I’d like to do that fall into this category. I’m not sure why that is. But when I’m trying to think things through it keeps coming to me that this state of affairs is probably something to do with my depression. If not strictly caused by my depression ( that’s something I can’t make up my mind about) it probably plays a role in the whole depression – stress – anxiety mess. Adds to the feeling that sometimes hits that I’m wasting my time (wasting my life even) and not achieving anything.

I see my siblings getting married and moving in with partners. And friends having babies, going off on their dream trip or starting a new job. I think I’m never going to have those things. They are yet more things CP is going to hold me back from.

I do realise on good days that isn’t true. I don’t even want some of those things and the ones I do want might be difficult but aren’t out of reach. And I know that I’ve many brilliant things in my life and some fantastic achievements others don’t. The so called “black dog” can cloud that and make it hard to see.

I hate that.

So I’m gonna keep doing what I’m dong. Taking my meds. Living my life. Trying to recognise my achievements. And I’m gonna write a damn poem. Tomorrow.

For now, here’s one of my poems from last year. I think it’s relevant to this entry and it was a useful reminder when I first started thinking about this.

Own it. Love it

Own your scars
Your imperfections
Your flaws
Cherish your abilities
Stand up for who you are
Even if that standing is shaky
And frequently ends with you kissing the floor
Be proud of achievements
No matter how small
And don’t be afraid of saying
I can’t do it all
Know that down days will come
And things may be hard
Be proud to be different
You’re you
Totally unique
That doesn’t mean you’re weak
Society may hate you
At times
But don’t let break you
Everyone will eventually
Walk this line
Or wheel
Or crawl
Difficulties and difference
Will come to all
But for now be proud
Yes you stand out from the crowd
Own it
Love it
Shout it out loud
See my wheelchair
But notice my red hair
I have CP
But most importantly
I’m me!

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About Writer In A Wheelchair

Emma describes herself as mouthy and independent, something she's very proud of as it helps her to campaign on disability issues which she is very passionate about. She loves knitting, sailing, swimming and reading. One day she'll be paid to be a writer a goal she's determined to make happen. In the meantime she writes and rambles in many places online including her blog, http://writerinawheelchair.co.uk

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This entry was posted on July 11, 2013 by in Bea Spiritual.
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